It’s surreal that in less than a month Sam and I will be living together. I suppose it’s considered a ‘big step’ in our relationship but it’s been such a long time coming that I can practically shrug it off. That is, until I realize the commitment behind it. Committing to not only live under the same roof as my less-than-clean boyfriend, but committing to saying bye to a chunk of my paycheque each month and to all the easy conveniences of living at home. It’s a little nerve wrecking.
The finances have been hashed out, I can easily afford our joint life, Sam is the love of my life and pets are allowed. That should be all the motivation I need, yet I’m still antsy and paranoid of really setting myself in this path.
2015 is looking to be a year of big, exciting changes and I’m so achingly torn. I have a fear of letting Sam down. Of not letting the best of our relationship be the soul of it. It’s so easy to recall the worst of times when you’re living in bliss because our minds suck. You know what I mean right? The reel of highlights that’s shadowed by the few not-so-funny bloopers? I hate that. I hate that the few bad times can poison my judgment and fuel my commitment fears. Poisonous mind wandering is obviously behind it all and it’s still something I’m working to get under control.
In order to ease my fears I’m working hard all this month at being the better girlfriend that I am. The one in the highlights that doesn’t even let a negative memory slither in to tarnish the gold of the moments. It goes hand in hand with my ‘living in the moment’ commitment, as well ‘putting an end to deadly mind wandering’. But this one is more in line with committing to being less of a nag really. Sam and I will be living together soon. The excitement should be all that matters. I don’t need to fear this path…this is the right kind of commitment.
Cheers to a year of keeping track.